You must fight everyday. Because life is not easy, and ego is not easy either. Today I rest a little from the "fight" and I did not woke up at 4am for all beings. Ok, to be honest at the moment I try to keep the same discipline I did some month ago in my 4 sessions practices a day, and to delete laziness from my life by waking up at 4am. Anyway these hours in the early morning are the best for meditation, and some times for other practices I like to meditate very late on the evening, because I feel it better than in the morning, but it depends of the practices and yourself.
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You are here to help all beings, or at last help yourself. It is very hard, but I have been very fortunate to meet a teacher from Diamond Way last week end for a lecture, and he just told me that I have to force myself to wake up. So then we have to fight, and we have to force ourselves to do things, because if we do not force ourselves to practice, to meditate, to study, to put in action the teaching of the Buddha, who will do it? I mean, nobody will give you the courage, nobody will make you happy, and nobody will take you off the suffering you feel. You do it yourself. And you know, I am this kind of person who is always depressed. I am like that because I am too nice with me, as sometimes I've been too nice with others. But to be nice does not help. We have to be strong with other, for them, and strong with ourselves. This does not mean we have to be angry or moody, but just to realize that we have the power to do everything by ourselves. And if we are lucky enough to have a guru or a root Lama, then we have to put ourselves in his/her hands, because it is the best influence we can have.
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The first day I saw my lama, I felt, in all my being that he was my root lama. I felt it so deeply that it was more strong than this feeling you have when you fall in love at first sight. It's deeper because it's not something worldly. It's not attachment; it's just the most important connection you can have in your life. That's why I need to be strong, because I have this chance to have my lama, I have entire confidence in him and even if sometimes I don't understand his actions, I know it's for good.
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But I understood something these weeks. if you do not care, if you do nothing, nobody will help you. Sometimes we are so bad that we fall and we pray, we ask help. But Buddhas does not take you out of your sadness. Buddha gave a medicine and you choose to take it or not. I understood that I have to stop waiting for somebody else to help me, and if I want to go forward and deeper in the practice and meditation, I have to do it myself. You have to do it yourself. You have to say "I really want to find enlightenment for all beings". Nobody is here to give it to you, Lama is just here to guide you, to give you his teaching, you have to be a lion, and you have to fight your ego until you realize it does not exist. You have to understand that to receive, you have to give first. Give yourself, all material things are useless to offer, you are the most precious. Offer you effort in practice, offer your time to people, and offer your love, your friendship, your courage. But do not hope to receive, let things coming to you, because if you hope, this is your ego.
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Just give, be courageous, be strong and be kind with yourself, but not fool.
